The High Price of Integration: Knowing God's Word

Knowing God’s Word does take discipline, just like learning about any other topic or area of interest, we must discipline ourselves to spend the necessary time in God’s Word to even know

how God thinks and what He desires.

One of the most simple commands from God, yet most demanding, is for us to study His Word. Even a child can study and read God’s word. It doesn’t take a special high level of intelligence to be able to read, study, and memorize God’s Word.  But it is almost as if we are like Naaman; we don’t really think taking the time to know God, His desires, His wishes, His ways, and His thoughts should be the priority of our lives.

Most Christian counselors are aware of the various ways they can know God through His word.  We can hear the Word....there is an undeniable power in hearing God’s Word (Romans ...and how shall they know without hearing?) We can read His word. With just a mere 3 chapters a day, a person can read through God’s word annually. We can study God’s word. You would think this would be the most common activity for those who are called into God’s work, but there is only a small number who actually study God’s word on a regular basis. We can memorize God’s word, and meditate on it. Memorizing and meditating are the most challenging, and it seems few are willing to spend the time necessary to do this.

All these activities are spoken of in the Scriptures, recommended and commanded for us to obey. But few ever obey these simple commands. It is almost as if we don’t believe what God has told us to do is really important. If we really believed it, we would do it!

We complain about our “weakness” in dealing with temptation, but we forget the simple instruction of “thy Word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee” (Psalms 119: 11). Or when we have difficultly trusting God in the midst of difficult circumstances, we refuse to believe that our faith is strengthened by focusing on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2-3).

Why do we not make knowing God a priority? Why are we not willing to discipline ourselves to read, study, memorize and meditate on God’s Word?  There could be any number of reasons listed, but perhaps at the heart of all of them would be the idea that we just don’t see it as a priority in our lives, even though God has commanded it. It takes time daily to read, study, memorize and meditate on God’s Word, and we are much more interested in using our time to accomplish our own priorities, whether it is time for ourselves to accomplish our desires, or time to accomplish tasks that are directly related to the fear of man (pleasing or impressing others).

Not only are priorities an issue, but even the mental discipline it takes to focus on God’s word to memorize or meditate on it is a major issue for most of us. Our minds are prone to wander, and it requires a great deal of energy to focus our thoughts on God’s thoughts and God’s ways.

As in all disciplines, usually we don’t follow through on them unless we have a plan to be consistent. When I don’t have a plan to be regular in my reading, study, memorizing and meditating on God’s Word, I rarely do it. My challenge to you, as a Christian (counselor) is that you pick one of these disciplines and develop a plan to do it regularly. Write it down and set a reminder alarm on your phone, or include it in your calendar agenda.

Next week we will think about how knowing God interfaces with our ability to apply and practice God’s Word in our daily life.

Touch

Touch
The final component that enhances bonding or that sense of love is touch. Research shows us that the hormones (vasopressin and oxytoin) stimulated by touch promote a sense of bonding and connection. Just recently I read how holding hands with your spouse can actually can raise your immune system response and lower your blood pressure. Touch is a powerful factor to maintain bounding or attachment between a couple.

How does touch in a marital relationship reflect how Christ loves the church? That’s a great question! For some time I have been seen the value of Gary Chapman’s ‘love languages" as a great metaphor to help couples understand each other and learn how to speak each other’s love language. However, I was amazed when I read his book "The Love Languages of God" and he illustrated how God expresses His love to us in all five languages (including touch), and how we tend to express our love for God through our own primary love language. Many of those who have the primary love language of touch seem to enjoy expressing their worship of God through physical expressions such as uplifted hands and forms of worship that include physical expression like clapping hands, dancing, etc. If Chapman’s theory is correct, touch is a primary way for some to express their love, both to spouse and God.

On a much deeper level, biblically the act of sexual union is viewed as two bodies becoming one-Genesis 2:24: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." That "one flesh" connection or relationship was meant to be shared with only one other human, according to God’s original plan. Biblically, this type of oneness is unique in that we do not have it with other friends or relationships, only with our spouse.

The unique oneness in marriage is a wonderful picture of the oneness God desires that we have with him spiritually. Among some of the analogies of Christ and the church in the New Testament, the church is compared to being a body, with Christ as the head (I Corinthians 12 and many other passages). Christ considers us one with him.

Often throughout the Scriptures unfaithfulness to God is compared to unfaithfulness in marriage. Jeremiah 2:20 speaks of the children of Israel and their lack of faithfulness to worship the one and only God: "Long ago you broke off your yoke and tore off your bonds; you said, ‘I will not serve you!’ Indeed, on every high hill and under every spreading tree you lay down as a prostitute." In the New Testament I Corinthians 6:15 says "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!" Our faithfulness to Christ requires oneness with Him and no other god.

In the New Testament numerous passages refer to the truth that Christ lives in you, or "oneness." Romans 8:10-11 "But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11 And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." Not only are we one in spirit, but just as the sexual union produces new life physically (a child), so oneness with Christ produces new life within us spiritually.

Our physical union in marriage is a beautiful picture of our oneness with Christ. The commitment that keeps us physically and emotionally pure (faithful) in our marriage is a strong image of the commitment each Christian should have to be spiritually pure and have unity with Christ in their relationship with Him. Remaining strongly attached, or bonded to Christ requires this "oneness," just as sexual oneness is a factor in maintaining attachment in marriage.

So, all five factors identified in science to be crucial to maintain a healthy attachment to a marital partner (know, trust, rely, commitment, and touch) are also factors that are crucial to maintain a healthy attachment to God. No wonder God uses marriage as a symbol of His love for and relationship with the church!

Trust

A second factor in the marital relationship that is important in maintaining a healthy relationship is trust.
 

Dr. John Van Epp describes trust as a mental image one has of another person. That image includes being fairly certain that you know the other person well enough that when you are not together you can still imagine what your partner might be doing or even thinking or feeling. Obviously the level that you know your spouse impacts the level of trust that you experience.

As mentioned in the previous blog, time is an important component in knowing someone. However, for many couples, the issue of time can also be a disadvantage, because once a strong image of "who the other person is" has been established, across time it is easy to become lazy, or distracted by the busyness of life and not continue to grow in "knowing" each other as you change through life. Suddenly the partner may do something not consistent with your image of them, and trust is broken. This especially becomes obvious when one spouse is no longer open about what is going on in their inner thoughts and feelings, both good and bad. Usually you realize a sense of being "shut out" from your partner's inner heart, but may not know how to change what is happening.

Often a partner that gets involved in an affair will say, "We just grew apart, and were no longer connected." The partner not involved in an affair will say, "I don't know him/her anymore."  By this point the relationship feels dead, and unless both of the partners are willing to work on rebuilding their relationship, the marriage is likely to end.

Trust is not only necessary in issues related to faithfulness, but even in areas such as being truthful regarding finances, expenditures, parenting, and many other areas of marriage. When a partner makes it unacceptable to fail or to have a different opinion, it becomes very hard to be open so your spouse can "know" you. No one likes to be critized or mocked, so many will withdraw rather than risk a negative response from their spouse.  The lack of feeling accepted shuts down your willingness for your partner to know you.

So how do these patterns of knowing and trust parallel our relationship with God? We know trusting God (also called faith) is of great importance to God. Hebrews 11:6 reminds us that "without faith we cannot please God, for anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek him."  He desires that we trust Him. What is our mental image of God? Is He who He claims to be? Is He truley there, as He says, even when it appears He is not? The difference between my mental image of God, who He is, and whether I can obey Him (even when it seems like a bad thing for me) will be the measure of my faith. If I truly believe God is good, and always doing what is best for me, then I will be able to obey Him even when He asks me to stay in a painful place or obey at the cost of a sacrifice.

To know God at this depth of trust, I must continually work on my relationship with Him. God is so different from us, even in a lifetime we will never fully know Him. As we move through the varied experiences of life we get to know a different side of God. When I have a financial need, I learn more about His provision, as well as His wisdom about the differences between my needs and wants. When my heart is broken over some loss, I learn about the depth of His comfort, and His tenderness. When I fail, I learn about His mercy and grace. When I face a task beyond my ability, I learn about His strength and power.

Without really knowing God, I will not trust Him. When a person begins his or her relationship with God and decides to commit themselves to God, there is an excitement about the new Savior. But the growth of faith requires an on-going growth in knowing Him, His desires, what pleases Him. Too many believers do not continue to grow in their knowledge of God, so they do not grow in their trust of God either. The relationship breaks down, just like a marriage does. In Revelation Jesus compared it to marriage "You have lost your first love" (Revelation 2:4).

May you accept the challenge to allow your knowledge and trust of God be paralleled to the level of knowledge and trust in your marriage!

10 Things I Want Counseling Students to Know

10 Things I Want Counseling Students to Know (as they start a new semester).
1.  God is always in control.  We often forget this, and begin trying to "fix" things ourselves...whether in our own lives, or in the lives of our clients.
2. It is ok to feel emotional pain. No doubt, pain in not fun, but sometimes it is a very important  part of healing. If I avoid pain, or help my clients avoid pain, I will miss an important element in the healing process, and may deny there is even a problem. All of us need to learn to accept pain and learn how to deal with it rather than running from it.
3. Knowing God and spending time with Him is more important than learning about Him.  I must keep a personal time with God daily as a priority. Just because you are studying here at the seminary or are taking a Bible course doesn’t mean you are building your relationship with God.
4. The Holy Spirit has been assigned the role of "convictor." Although I am charged to  "speak the truth in love," I also must be careful to not take over the role of the Holy Spirit.
5. Characteristic excellence glorifies God. In all I do--in all you do--do it with   excellence.  If  God has called me to study, then I must study with excellence. Sometimes that might mean taking fewer classes so I can learn more.
6. Discipline yourself to memorize Scripture. God's Word is living, and sharper than a "two-edged sword." God uses His Word to transform our thinking patterns, as well as emotional response patterns and behavioral patterns. I need God's Word in my life, just as my clients need God's Word.  It is more important than any other study I might complete.
7. Take time to get to know other students and your professors. God often works through others to reveal His character and truth.  This is a golden opportunity during your seminary days to build godly relationships.  Iron sharpens iron.
8. Develop a merciful response in your heart.  None of us are perfect, and humbling ourselves will allow us to become merciful.  If you do not have the gift of mercy, ask God to give you a merciful heart. (Matthew 9:13; Matthew 18:33)
9. If you are married, and if you have children, remember your spouse and children are your priority second only to God. Be sure you make time to invest in them and their needs.
10. Rejoice when you experience suffering (suffering can be as small as feeling lonely as you build relationships to financial stress to health problems). God uses suffering in our lives to draw us to himself, and to build His character and nature into us. (James 1:2).