The Why and Who of Suffering

Think about a time when you thought you couldn’t go any further, or you couldn’t make it to the end of whatever you were working on. For some of us, that might be a rather minor experience, such as “I thought I would not be able to finish the paper I was writing” or “I thought I couldn’t continue another day at my job with the conflict that was present.” For others, we may have experienced a time that we thought we couldn’t go on with life, that we didn’t have enough strength –physical or emotional–to continue on, such as the death of a loved one, or the death of a relationship, or even the death of a long-term dream. Paul must have felt something like this when he wrote II Corinthians 1:8 “I think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and completely overwhelmed, and we thought we would never live through it.” (Italics mine).

We don’t typically think of Paul as being a person that had come to a place emotionally that he felt like he just wanted to “give up,” and that he would never be able to get past his current circumstances. But he did experience those emotions. Job experienced the same emotions and thoughts...that he could not go on living. Job, in Job 6, describes the depth of his pain: “my troubles...heavier than all the sands of the sea;” “poisoned arrows deep within my spirit;” “all God’s terrors are arrayed against me.”  He finalizes his description of his pain with these words: “But I do not have the strength to endure. I do not have a goal that encourages me to carry on” (Job 6:11).

Job then tells his friends they have not been helpful to him in his place of difficulty. (Job 6:14, 21) “One should be kind to a fainting friend, but you have accused me without the slightest fear of the Almighty.” and “You, too have proved to be of no help. You have seen my calamity, and you are afraid.”  Then Job states the cry of his heart (Job 7) that echos the cry every person has clamored  who finds themself dealing with suffering: “Why?”. (Job 7:19-21). “Why won’t you leave me alone–even for a moment? Have I sinned? What have I done to you, O watcher of all humanity? Why have you made me your target? Am I a burden to you? Why not just pardon my sin and take away my guilt? For soon I will lie down in the dust and die. When you look for me, I will be gone.”

Job’s friends continue to try to answer his question of “why,” all the while basically telling him he is guilty of some sin and God is punishing him. (Job 8-38). After all this conversation of accusations and Job continued to disagree with them and continued speaking the truth about God’s nature, God himself finally answered Job.

When you have been hurt, or in the pit of despair or struggling with a hopeless difficulty, haven’t you asked “why?”  It seems to be the universal need of all men and women to understand “why.”
When my husband and I recently encountered some difficult circumstances, for weeks our minds struggled and wrestled with “why.”  Almost every still moment that didn’t require focus of my mind, the question would return, along with the endless search for an answer to “why.’

God came to Job (Job 38-41) and spoke about a number of things with Job. But none of it concerned “why.” It was all about “Who” God is.  And that is the state of mind all of us must come to if we want to have peace in the midst of any circumstance that is difficult. We must focus on “Who” is in control, the nature of our God and his eternal love, and his power and wisdom. As we focus on the “Who” we realize that our “why” question really isn’t important...only that God is who he says he is, and will do what he says he will do. Then we will be able to agree with Job and proclaim (Job 42:2-3) “I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. You ask, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’ It is I. And I was talking about things I did not understand, things far too wonderful for me....(v 6) I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.”

As long as I have a “Who” (I AM), why doesn’t really matter.

Suffering and fear

The topic of suffering is one of the most difficult issues counselors deal with when working with clients. Not only do we not have the answers for their suffering (why, how long, is God really loving if He allows this), but we don't even have the answers for our own suffering.

One of the most powerful biblical characters who speaks about suffering is Job. Each year as I read through the Bible, I am always astounded when I read the book of Job. His whole experience is so extreme, his response and the expression of his emotions and thoughts are so raw and real, that the story always impacts me.

I have been thinking a lot about Job and the expression of his emotions. There is a rich variety of emotions across his story that gives us much to think about as we, as counselors, consider how to help people express and handle their own emotions in the midst of suffering.

One of the first things I noticed was Job's fear. He correctly "feared" God (Job 1:1), which seemed to have the impact of helping him stay away from evil. But he also seemed to be almost consumed with a fear for his children. (Job 1:5) "When these celebrations ended--and sometimes they lasted several days--Job would purify his children. He would get up early in the morning and offer a burnt offering for each of them. For Job said to himself, "Perhaps my children have sinned and have cursed God in their hearts." This was Job's regular practice. (NLT).

One of the notes I wrote next to this passage several years ago was "Prayed regularly for his children." How great that was...I am a strong believer that we need to pray frequently and fervently for our children. But recently as I read that passage, I was struck with the fact that he was also fearful for his children.

Sometimes the suffering we experience is magnified by our fears. One client I worked with was so fearful about her children and mistakes they might make that she was unable to love them with a tenderness and accepting love because she was constantly correcting them and was rigid and harsh with them. As is often the case, her teens began responding with pulling away and some rebellion against her values, since they didn't feel connected to their mom, or valued by her.

As I think about my own experiences of suffering, I can see how fear often has impacted the intensity of my suffering. Recently our financial situation changed substantially, and I began struggling with fear about financial security. My fear caught me "off guard," since across the years God has taught us what a wonderful provider He is. As I've examined this fear more closely, I've come to realize that it is not really about not having the necessities of life, but more about giving up the "extras" we have had for a few years. I know the energy it takes to live on a tight budget, and I think perhaps my greatest fear is related to the dread of having to expend all that energy in keeping track of spending.

When I write that fear down, and think about it, it almost seems ridiculous. Of course, there are also the fears of not being able to go see my Dad (who lives some distance away) with the same frequency, as well as my children and grandchildren, or the sadness of not being able to invest financially in the lives of students and others as we have done in recent years.

Unspoken fears have a way of haunting us emotionally. They hang over our head and often feel like a dark cloud following us around where ever we go. When we go through a test or event involving suffering, I think we all benefit from identifying any fears that are related to the experience, and talking to God about them, even as Job talked to God about his fears for his children.

What are you fearing today? As you learn to identify your own fears, and learn to submit those fears to God, you will become a better counselor for those you work with as they struggle with their own fears.